Seanachai's Definitive History of the Mutha Beautiful Thread

Of Cabbages And Kings

I got about half way through the autosurrender thread when my head just exploded. I SWEAR TO GOD. MY HEAD EXPLODED! I couldn't read another goddam word from anyone.
OK, I know I haven't been around lately. No posts and maybe a bit of lurking. and my poor PBEM opponents are all cursing me for sitting on turns forever. So be it. this is for reasons of my own. I didn't even get to the thread in question until this afternoon. read a few posts and promised myself I'd be back to comment later today.
Well, i didn't get through the seven goddam pages of swill so there are bits I know nothing about. WHO CARES? from the tone and quality of the first 4 pages i have everything i think i need.

SS, You are a CABBAGE! you are green and leafy and you smell bad when you are cooked too long. Salting and marinating in oak barrels is too good for you, and no one will ever top you off with some nice white wine. I think massive amounts of alcohol might help to mellow you somewhat and perhaps give you a more pleasant taste. But essentially you are sour and spoiled and not fit for human consumption, except in the most dire of circumstances.
Even when concilliation is rubbed generously on your broad green leaves and into your stems like a savory paste, you reject it on grounds that it is actually a lump of cold poisonous evil, as the use of smilies obfuscates bad intent.

In My Humble Opinion, you are a nit-picking, bad-tempered, grudge-harboring, humorless, thin-skinned, hyphenated, girly-man. I for one will avoid you and your posts.

Since this post is supposed to be aboout cabbages and kings, and the vegetable has been served. on to the kings....
to hell with them too.


Official Notice: No smilies were used in this post. However, during the composition of this post several smilies were tortured to death, by me, with great huge pointy sticks and jolts of electricity and hot pepper extracts rubbed into their naughty bits.

The Awful TRUTH about Smilies: What the Thought Police Don't Want You to Know

I must take strenuous issue with that subject heading! There is absolutely nothing truthful about smilies, and the thought police certainly want you to know what it is. Therefore, as a public service, I will undertake the task of resolving the smilie controversey that isn't once and perhaps, twice, and maybe even for good. or ill.


There was a time when the written word didn't require pictures to convey meaning. Those of you who may have picked up a book in which the only picture was perhaps a dust jacket photo of the author might remember this time. It existed somewhere between children's story books and your first email or BBS smilie.
If you recall correctly this time included entire words, spelled correctly, and typically some sort of punctuation which would separate the sentences into what many teachers used to call "complete thoughts." Sometimes the author would use a rhetorical device ( some early rhetorical devices ran at only 33MHz!) with funny old Latin names like "praeter itio," which I won't mention.
Sometimes authors used nice techniques called Irony, Satire and Sarcasm (an ascending tri-colon). What seems odd to us about these techniques today is that the words that the author used conveyed the meaning. Certainly there were thickies that didn't quite "get it" when Irony would smack them accross the noggin, but that's precisely because they were thick. One despairs that even the cunning and naughty MrWinky, the Cheeky Monkey, could not raise the intellect of the thick to a level of ironic awareness.

And so it is with our little friend Sarcasm. It is often proclaimed quite loudly that sarcasm is difficult to parse from the written word, and so we should make our intent plain by adding MrWinky, or perhaps even a MrRazz to make double-extra super sure that the target of the sarcastic remark is "in the know."

WARNING: the following statement is inregard to American English, which in my Ignorance is the only language I am able to speak and write. It is not in any way, shape or form meant to impugne any other language spoken here. END OF WARNING.

The English Language is rich: it has evolved over centuries, borrowing from, stealing from and swallowing wholesale entire other languages. It is a Monster of a language. We have at least two ways of naming absolutely everything, dependent upon from which root language you care to select the name. We have so many ways of saying the same thing that it seems we cannot help but stumble accross a way to convey what we mean with only the words. And yet...

OFFICIAL NOTE: the following does not fall under the above WARNING. That bit is over.

And yet, we have become so careless, so self absorbed and in such a hurry to get our two cents in; such a blasted, egomaniacal rush, that we ignore the meaning of what others write. We do not take the time to digest the written word. We do not allow ourselves the opportunity to read what the other guy has written, so busy are we in our sweat to "respond" to our nemesis, that we now require a little helper to convey the meaning for us. It seems the symbols we all agreed upon to convey our meanings are too difficult to decipher.

The ugly truth is that the helpers do not help. They diminish our capacity to communicate effectively with one another. They are frauds. The writer tosses off a smilie because he is worried the reader won't understand the written word. The reader tosses away the smilie because the writer didn't really mean it.
The writer should take the time to write what he means. The reader should take the time to understand. Smilies do nothing to enhance our discourse.

Then again...they are kinda cute, huh?

Peng wearily climbs down from his soap box.

Peng's finely tuned palette

MMMMM. An old lush like me really digs the finer boozes (boozes?). My old mum had a dandy bottle of single malt for her birthday, no idea what it was, but i really enjoyed it. As far as hard stuff goes I am a big fan of the Wild Turkey, esp the 101 proof variety. Other than that, a nice hoppy ale like an IPA in warmer weather, or something chewey like a dopplebock, yaknow, a beer with BALLS. Not some wimpy farging thing made mostly from rice that was introduced to a hop cone once. Gawd, there should be restrictions on naming alcohols that only faintly resemble their betters!
Some might say that enjoying finely crafted beverages of any sort is snobery, and that any old swill is good enough if ya kin git a buzz frum it. Then again there are some who think that "paint by the numbers" is art.
I guess it takes all kinds, and that's why Coors light sells so much. Or maybe it's Selma Hyak's wunderbrapushedupboobs that sells the "beer."
OK now that the patently obvious dig at our old pal Lewis is over with... Please comment on THE MOST SMOKYEST AND YET STILL POTABLE SINGLE MALT. I want to try it. Let's hear it all you Scotch-drinkin-men!

I'm talking and I can't shut up!

The unnatural nature of pods

It is true. I am heartless and I have no mercy. It does not appear in my user profile but I think I have mentioned elsewhere that I am a Pod. Pods are not human. Sometimes we like to help the humans, but mostly we just like to irritate them. We especially like to send countless numbers of 3D animated humans to flaming deaths, both the enemy and our own. It is the one thing in life that gives us pleasure (other than substance abuse, spousal abuse, self abuse and rodent abuse {DIE, MICKEY MOUSE, DIE!}) OK 4 things give a Pod pleasure, and maybe watching a little TV now and then and sometimes a nice walk in the woods...6 things. Oh, and Dark Chocolate Cheese cake!!! 7 things!!! there are Seven Things that make a POD HAPPY!!! And when your youngest is finally toilet trained! That's great. Yeah, No MORE DIAPERS! THAT MAKES PODS HAPPY!!! AH AH AH HA HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE OH I'M SOOOOO HAPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!

The immortal challenge

Errr. Seanechai, SenileTea? (that is the best I can make of your apparently celtocryllic name) I have it on good authority that you are a sand-bagging, set-up-the-weak-minded-and-knockem-over type who preys upon poor defenseless little grogwishtheycouldbees and then takes a huge 240 dump on them when they are thinking they have a chance in hell of even coming close to securing their own complete surrender to your superior forces and intellect. being a glutton for punishment I say "come at me, eire-boy!"
So sure, what the hell. I prefer to play games that have like infantry and artillery and tanks and blowing up and stuff, and I mostly like to have any one of the nationalities in the game as my team. (no Candians! {until they admit they are just bigger goofier, and colder americans but still have royalty in their lives}) Big Giant freaking scenarios take too long, so either make up a quick one or pick a smallish premade. I am too dumb to buy my own troops effectively. If my idiot raving hasn't completely put you off to playing against me...send me a PBEM. I hope you do not get bored with all of my dying.
I am honored by your challenge

Essay on SSNs (Scum Sucking Newbies)

Is this thing on? test test one two test test check one check two check,
Ahem {brackets miss brackets}, AAAAHEM!
I have a theory and what it is too, that I shall begin to tell you about very soon.

Until that time I will tell you that I will be trolling along looking for action at around 10 pm eastern time tonight. Yes yes yes I am breaking the ground rules, but this is MY effing thread and if anyone doesn't like it they can go tell Seanachai *snicker*

So, I am a total TCP whore and must get a fix soon or very very bad things will start to happen.

That's 10 pm eastern time in the good ol USof Arseholes {like ethernaljustpiss}, worms and girls, so don't be late, my ICQ number and AIM thingy are on display - use them or lose them it matters not, just meet me at the predetermined time co-ordinates and prepare to either die a lot or kill a lot.

If you happen to be one of the filthy swine whith whom I am currently at hazard via bloody hateful horrid PBEM games this would be an excellent time to clear them up like oxy10 on an adolescent's pimply face.

If you are a scum sucking newbie and want to see what all the fuss of a "loss to Peng" is all about, piss off, I don't play scum sucking newbies, at least not the latest crop, filthy little buggers with their smelly foriegn cooking and their nasty brutish foreheads.

42. Scum Sucking Newbies are inferior to elder pooligans because they are not elder pooligans (I. M. Uhghly, SSN's and the Myth of Equality 1936, Bastard Press)

B. Scum Sucking Newbies are in the pocket of the Liberal Scum Sucking Media. (Connie Spiracy, SSNs are in the Pocket of the Liberal Media 1999, Paranoid Magazine, {a subsidiary of Idiot Publishing})

7. Scum Sucking Newbies should be shipped back whence they came, because a very famous old dead white man said they should.

11. Scum Sucking Newbies have big fat heads and are therefore stupid. Since they are stupid with their big fat heads, we should hate all of them forever and either enslave them which is illegal or deport them. Sure wish we could enslave them but the damn liberals and the conservatives get upset about that idea, and they are sooooo stupid with their big fat heads that no other country will take them. ITS A FACT! I READ IT IN A BOOK (Gene Poole, Big Fat Heads Make You Stupid and Its Genetic, 1973, Grande Capeza Magazine, Mike Crow Cephalon, Ed.)

B3.7~2 Anyone who argues with me must automatically love SSNs and is therefore a worthless pile of dung because he (or she) is obviously also in the pocket of the liberal scum sucking newbie loving media and should have his (or her) head examined immediately by Dr Mengele or one of his (or her) close personal friends (ethernaljustice, Anyone Who Argues with Me Must Automatically Love SSNs and is Therefore a Worthless Pile of Dung Because He (or She) is Obviously Also in the Pocket of the Liberal Scum Sucking Newbie Loving Media and Should have His (or Her) Head Examined (or Removed) Immediately by Dr Mengele or One of His (or Her) Close Personal Friends, 2001 Iman Arse Press.)

That is why I will not play against any scum sucking newbies. You know I am right, you are all just afraid to voice your true opinions because the thought police will kick your door in.

The truth hurts



Lost my sig